Release and Surrender

I can feel the release in my body when surrender comes.

It’s like I don’t even know how much has actually built up until the point that I finally let go.

I release my reality to God, to the universe.

Tears normally come and I say “God please help me. Help to know and follow your will for me. Whatever that may be or whatever that looks like, give me the strength and courage to follow you in times where I feel powerless, lost and tired of trying to do it on my own.”

My shoulders drop and I plead with complete and utter humility.

When the surrender comes, then there can be recovery, in any area of my life.

Room is made for a new power to flow in, the power of God I allow to channel through me.

In those moments, I know what miracles feel like.

Is Life Supposed To Be Hard?

There’s so much beauty in the world.

It’s in every moment.

Only if I’m constantly looking back into the past or planning, worrying or stressing about the future, I can’t see the beauty and amazement that lies in what’s right in front of me.

Some say life is tough.

They say it’s supposed to be hard.

I’ve thought that before.

I think it is hard if you believe it is supposed to be hard.

I am eternally thankful that I’ve had a different experience now.

I’m more free now than ever before, not because life has gone or suddenly started going my way but because I gave up resisting everything and everyone.

I strive to remain present.

By giving up resistance I find I don’t need to suffer.

How can I judge what’s happening when I can’t see the end result?

What my experience tells me is that allowing what is to just be, I am happier, calmer, more peaceful and joyous.

Living in gratitude for what I have just brings more into my life.

The universe comes to me and my life just becomes a whole lot better.

Starting Over

When I was the beach yesterday having a beautiful time, out of the blue a wave comes up and washes over everything we had setting on the sand, including my cell phone.

My phone is completely destroyed and I lost everything.
Every phone number, photo, everything I piece I had written on it.

No iCloud back up.

Nothing synced.

Everything in it is gone.

I saw it happen in slow motion and it has been replaying over and over in my mind ever since.

There were photos of my kids and I during my visits, friends that have come and gone, and times I want to remember.

Those photos are gone.

I definitely relied on my phone a lot.

I wish I could’ve acted quicker or done something different.

The fact is that I can’t go back and change what has happened no matter how much I would like to.

Like in all other life situations, I must push forward.

As I now work to rebuild my contact list and set up an entirely new phone, I can’t help but wonder what it is I can learn from this experience.

Everything is truly and always in perfect order.

What is the universe trying to tell me?

Surrender and Clarity

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After every period of suffering, resistance and pain lies the rainbow of clarity, if only I look up from the ground to the sky to see it.

The path to awakening, for this girl, consists of constant shifts in perspective. Often times I get stuck in a way of perceiving the world around me that is not based in truth.

I don’t even know it’s happening.

It sneaks up on me and I can’t see it, because the more my spirit evolves, so does my ego. It has to because of the laws of the universe, the yin and the yang or Einstein’s theory of relativity.

The more evolved the soul, the more evolved the ego.

My ego (basically everything that comes from my thinking) is always evolving and changing as I do, finding new ways to infiltrate, override and confuse what my soul knows.

It is not my friend.

The “problem” if there is such a thing, is not in what is, no matter what is happening around me, but always lies in my perception of what is.

So I go to my spiritual teacher to help me see what sometimes I cannot, someone who tells me the truth. Though my ego will try fight, deny or rationalize, my soul hears it. As long as I have one thing on my side, my ego cannot win.

That indispensable thing is willingness.

Willingness allows me to hear her and to have the other things on my side that save me being owned by my mind. Those things are honesty, humility and open mindedness.

I have a chance, with all these gifts, to move towards clarity, truth and freedom.

And freedom from being chained by anything or anyone, is what I’ve always sought.

Someone said to me recently that after a tough time and then major surrender, they set out to make God their everything, to get everything they had realized they were still seeking in the outside world from God.

When they did that, a transformation occurred, bringing amazing freedom and gifts like none other.

When they said that, my soul heard it.

And now that has been my new intention.

What Surrender, Again?

There are no coincidences in this experience called human life. Every second orchestrated in beautiful harmony whether we can see it in this present moment or not.

I’ve been very physically sick, sicker than I’ve been in a long, long time. For the last few days it’s been constant suffering. There still seems no end in sight. It came on like a storm out of the blue.

It has forced me to slow down and just be. Though at this very time my ego has been feeling it quite inconvenient. I cannot go run and do a million things to avoid myself.

I can’t do much of anything except talk (and that is difficult), read and do some writing.

Why is this perfect timing?

I’ve lost someone I love.

Today I should’ve started the gift of my new position at work.

I’ve had to allow people to help me. Those I typically help, I’ve had to lean on to help me, which is still a work in progress for me.

I’ve had to say no to people.

Although I’m finding life today is not how I would’ve liked to see it, and add to it being physically hurting and ill, this is actually the perfect time.

I have been “encouraged” by the universe to delve deeper within.

And so I have.

This feeling of complete and utter surrender, being out of answers, no resistance, giving up everything I think I know, exhausted and at the mercy of all that is in this moment, is a familiar feeling I’ve felt before.

Uncomfortable as it is, I feel the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders, again. Weight I never knew I had been carrying, yet again.

I can look back at all the growth and beauty that grew from this experience in the past and believe that it’s about to happen again.

Because I have awareness today.

Because I trust.

Because I am open.

Because I am willing.