Friends?

I used to need specific friends in my life. I didn’t know why I loved having them around because I never took a look at why that was.

I just needed them.

I wasn’t conscious of the fact that it was usually people in my life that made me feel a certain way. It could’ve been that they made me feel safe, wanted, needed or better about myself.

Any or all of those things would do.

The point is, I kept them around to get something I needed, unknowingly.

I thought they were good for me.

I thought for the most part, they helped me.

So when they were actually harming me, I couldn’t see it.

Sometimes it was as subtle as constant manipulative influence through harmful advice or opinions.

Sometimes it wasn’t so subtle like lashing out when they didn’t get their way or just dropping me when they had something else that was more important to them.

Even though when they felt scared that someone else in my life may have been threatening their relationship with me, and they would manipulate the situation, they may or may not have been conscious to it.

Neither was I.

Did they honestly have my best interest at heart?

Or were they just unaware of what they were doing, like I was.

I would either just get over it or make excuses to myself, just so I didn’t have to loose them.

Because I could imagine my life without them.

In the same way I needed them for something I was getting out of it, they were doing the same thing.

Today through relying on God instead of people and actively working on doing all things with love, I can love others without needing them.

I can see it in others when they may be saying or doing things that could harm me because I can see it in myself.

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Darkness

It’s sad but there are just people in this world that honour their darkness and just can’t stand their own light.

Darkness is a cancer that spreads.

They are hurt people who continue to hurt people.

Jesus said, “forgive them for they know not what they do.”

Unconsciousness.

People who act and react based on the character created by their past, never gaining awareness of themselves or why they do what they do, create havoc in the lives of others.

What’s worse are those who have awareness of what they do but have no desire to change.

They just stay stuck in their story, their “character”.

You can do nothing to help someone who is unwilling to be helped. That’s when the job is done and it’s time to move on.

Some people just will live out their fate in darkness, living in sickness, and never grow towards anything better.

I’m sad for those people.

As sad as it is to watch, I thank God that it’s not me.

I will never be perfect.

I do however thank God that I have the gift of willingness to strive towards light and truth, that I can reach for solution.

I fight hard everyday to keep the darkness at bay.

I can lay my head down on my pillow and know if there’s no tomorrow, my soul will be at peace.

I loved and served those in front of me the best I could.

I wouldn’t want the alternative.

Thank you God for the lesson so my soul can evolve.

I got the message loud and clear.