Getting sober is not for the faint at heart. A lot of times things come up from the past. Memories of events too painful for our psyche to deal with finally surface. We have shoved these events far down in our consciousness.
Sometimes these things that happen when we are children are so traumatic that it’s like we never knew they happened to us. It feels like remembering for the first time. It’s not an easy thing to confront.
I watch as women around me just can’t move past the pain. They just can’t face these traumas and they don’t make it. I thank God for those lessons in what I don’t want to be.
So many of us women don’t make it.
As much as I don’t want these things to have happened to me, as much as I wish it would just go away, that it wasn’t THIS specific person, it doesn’t make it not true. It doesn’t make it go away. It can’t change what has already happened.
To try avoid going through this would be a death sentence.
Why has this come up now after all these months? I wish I understood.
My spiritual guide says that the timing of these memories surfacing is no mistake, that God doesn’t reveal things to us that we are not ready to handle. She says if it comes up, it’s time.
I made a decision a long time back that if I was going to get sober again that I was going to be one of the ones who make it. I see that this can be survived. I believe it to be true.
I know there are solutions if only I reach for them. Even when paralysed with sadness, sometimes if I can just lift a finger in that direction, I can see the horizon of hope.
All I have to do is be willing to try.
All I needed was permission to just love
It came from the one person in this world that speaks truth to me
And I hear it
She said to just give love
No matter what the result
Without conditions or expectations
To love them even when they may not be where I am at
That what I’d been looking for was already all inside of me
That it’s in the giving of love freely
Without care of what anyone else thinks about it
Even if the person I’m giving it to doesn’t feel the same
Even if they don’t have the love to give like I do
It doesn’t matter
Because it’s in the giving love to others that I feel whole
I love because that it what I am here to do
Because love is what I am
Because pure love is what God is
I get closer to God the more I love
Together or not together
With you or without you
I love you with all of me
And to me that is all that matters