My Book, My Story

I’m writing less on my blog because I started writing my book. The book I’ve been saying I’m going to write for the last 2 years. It’s not at all what I thought I’d write about but isn’t life always like that? Never ending up the way we imagined? But still it’s what’s inside me, needing to come out. This story that needs to be told. It’s living inside me and I want it out. It’s time.

This is my story.

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Words From A Writer

I’m a writer.
Why?
Because I say I am.
Because I believe I am.
Because I write.
Because I have something to say and the best way I know how to say it is to write it.
Not that I’m not good with being verbal, because I am.
But I’m better when I write it down.
I don’t need to be paid for it.
I do it for free.
I do it because I have a passion for it.
Because I love it.
Because I know I’m supposed to.
I write about what I know.
And what do I know better than my own experience?
What could I possibly know better than the story of my life?
What do I know better than what happens all around me?
I write about what needs to be said.
I write the truth.
Harsh at times, loving at times, confusing at times, but always the truth.
Love it, hate it, accept it or deny it.
Just know this, words hold a lot of power, written or spoken, texted or tweeted.
And these words are written just for you.
I see you.
I see your soul.
I see past the mask and the character, the shortcomings and all of your humanness.
I see myself in you, and you in me.
We are the same you and I, just decorated a bit differently on the outside.
I know you.
Maybe better than YOU know you.
And you’re very much okay.
It’s all going to be okay.
I promise.
What a better way to remind you, just in case you forget, than etching these written words in this very place, to be part of history, so when you forget you can re-read them.
You can come back to find these very words.
Right here.
Written.
By a writer.

Facing The Hard Stuff

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As I sit on my wooden patio, the warm morning sun shining down on my face, in my favorite patio chair working on a writing assignment as part of my step 12, I am consumed by the past.

Something I try daily to avoid thinking about, as much as I try to keep it away and pretend I have no past, it’s still there.

I go through periods where I am able to be present, where I know that today I am safe, I am okay.

Then it oozes in through the cracks.

Something someone says will remind me of what happened and I realize I am not over it yet. I think I have worked through a specific resentment or fear but it pops back up like that Whack A Mole game.

As much as I want complete freedom from being affected by my past, I cannot attain it by avoidance.

I must face these events, beliefs and fears, leaning into them so that I can rewrite the story I tell myself and gain clarity.

Though I know the freedom I gain from looking at these feelings and areas that cause me pain, there’s this part of me that feels like I will break in two if I allow myself to really feel the feelings attached to my past.

The reason why I sit here on my patio in the fresh air and morning sun today, though this work is not my idea of fun, writing about the things about my life that still affect me and facing my fears, is so I can read it to someone, gain an outside perspective and ask God to remove these things from me so I can be free today.

Again my goal is to be present today.

To enjoy the moments of this precious life and find peace is what I’m seeking.

I chase it the way I chased drugs and alcohol.

I’m seeking freedom.

To enjoy the moments of this precious life and find peace is what I’m seeking.

I’m seeking freedom.

I Write For Truth

It has been through my darkest of times that has propelled me to the light.

If I never knew what it was like for my spirit to live in what some would call hell, then I might never be able to recognise pure joy.

I looked around me tonight and I was overwhelmed at the amount of faces around me of those I have grown to know, love and have allowed to love me. There were so many! My heart was overcome with gratitude and complete fullness at the realisation of the fellowship and family of unique human beings I have created and drawn into my life today. It’s pretty amazing.

I wish I could put down in words all of the awareness and truth I experience each day.

I wish I had enough words to describe how much I am learning on this journey.

I try to explain as best I can, what is happening inside me as I evolve towards my true purpose on this planet.

Words can’t possibly come close to describing the feeling of complete and total connectedness to my creator and all that has been created.

I write what I can in hopes that others will hear something that will make sense.

I write to put out truth into the world.

I write to create.

I write to have a voice.

I write to share the love.

I write to move closer to God.