I am constantly reminded by the gentle whispers of truth, heard in the soft breeze brushing by my ears in the midst of presence.
It’s says to me, “Remember child, it’s not about snatching all the love you can out of life, but fulfilment is found in the giving.”
When I forget, as I do regularly, that what I need to make my soul complete is not about seeking anything, it’s about giving all that I have to give, these whispers are there to remind me.
And when I follow the guidance that is provided for me, from a place found deep within, it is like a veil has been lifted and I start to see clearly again.
The direction of my steps change slightly and I find myself back on the path to inner peace.
Only then, I start to feel whole again.
Only then, I am home.
When did I unconsciously decide to start holding back again in an effort to protect my self?
It’s something I did my whole life but when I had my first profound awakening, I finally saw that the problem with having the walls up to keep out the bad, was that it came with a high cost.
It was also keeping out everything good.
I had let finally down all the walls and I allowed absolutely everything in.
As scary as it was, it was the time in my life I felt the most free, it was when I felt the most of everything.
It was like taking a leap off a cliff.
There was so much living in those moments, so many lows but yet so many highs too.
But yet again, as life happened, as it always does, ever so subtly, I starting holding back and closing off again.
I wanted to protect myself.
I chose safety over risks.
But in protecting myself, I had stopped living to the fullest like I had been.
I stopped taking those risks.
Life starting loosing the vibrance in it’s color.
I stopped living completely free in the now and tried to find a balance between acting in the moment, and being discernibly cautious.
Is there a right and a wrong way in all this?
Or are there just choices, with costs and prices to pay for each side?
There is a lot to be learned by being present and observing one’s environment.
The smallest, most mundane thing can have the most amazing meaning and connection to all things.
As I sat by the pool in the hot sun, with the water completely still, I dipped just one toe in the water.
I watched as the ripples spread out in circles across the pool. When finally, it reached one of the chlorine dispensers floating in the pool, circular ripples bounced off and outward, eventually crossing over the ripples from my toe. When the ripples finally reached the edge of the pool, it bounced back, creating a giant pattern of ripples.
I took a step back and looked at the pool, once still, that now was dancing with a multitude of waves and ripples, vibrating all throughout.
It dawned on me that this is what we do, everyday with our words and actions. A small thing like a smile, vibrates outward to everything it touches. And then that object or person reacts back outward into the universe, touching more and more people, reaching farther and farther distances.
Can a tiny act of kindness reach across the entire globe and cause great things to happen?
Can magnificent, beautiful and perfect change happen from one simple loving thing?
I believe so.
All you have to do is just watch water.
I found the love I had been seeking in the eyes of others, my entire life, and that love has been found inside of me.
My journey to become whole, totally on my own has led me here, standing over the pool, looking at my own reflection ripple over the illuminated water, in this warm summer’s evening air.
Here in this space, is a place where I am completely enough on my own.
A year ago I was still needing to be seen by someone else.
A year ago I was needing a particular someone to make life seem complete. I thought if I had that, then I could be truly happy. I thought having them was the missing piece of the puzzle. I was wanting so badly to be loved but I was still lost and seeking outside of myself something that would never be the answer.
Because the answer was not outside of myself, it was inside of me.
Today I am not looking to be seen by someone else to know my worth, only my eyes matter in examining this water’s reflection.
No longer to do I need the approval or acceptance of another to feel loved or loveable.
When I wake up in the morning, I know I am going out into the day to be the person I want to be.
And when I lay my head down at night, I know I have lived and loved the best I can.
I know I’ve served the best I know how.
And on this ball of dirt and water flying through space around and about the other stars, planets and sun, the rest does not matter.
The only thing that matters is life right here and now.
The only thing that matters is love.
And always life responds, and provides abundance to what we focus on.
I dare to dream and then the dream becomes real.
I envisioned myself here, in this place, with this amazing career in a field I care deeply about, with this life.
I ignored all the boundaries, the walls became doors, and I continue to live a life with purpose.
All I ever wanted was for my life to matter.
And today, it does.
I push forward into the life I’m meant to have, instead I the life I thought I should have.
Most of the time I trust in the universe that what I’m meant to have, I will have.
The people I need to assist me on my journey and help me fulfil my purpose will be placed in my life, and those that no longer serve their purpose will be removed.
Sometimes it takes me a while to see things clearly.
Sometimes it takes me a while to get into acceptance of what happens to be.
Sometimes I doubt, sometimes I get confused and lost.
Sometimes I struggle and resist.
I often get stuck trying to “figure it out” which inevitably always fails.
I’ll try hard to predict the future based on the past or present, a future that for all I know, may never come, instead of trusting.
Sometimes I forget to be patient.
Then I remember that the only I thing I may ever know for sure, is right now.
I guess this is all part of my humanness.
In the end though, I always have a knowing deep down inside, that my creator is all around me, and I will always, no matter what, be okay.