I can feel the release in my body when surrender comes.
It’s like I don’t even know how much has actually built up until the point that I finally let go.
I release my reality to God, to the universe.
Tears normally come and I say “God please help me. Help to know and follow your will for me. Whatever that may be or whatever that looks like, give me the strength and courage to follow you in times where I feel powerless, lost and tired of trying to do it on my own.”
My shoulders drop and I plead with complete and utter humility.
When the surrender comes, then there can be recovery, in any area of my life.
Room is made for a new power to flow in, the power of God I allow to channel through me.
In those moments, I know what miracles feel like.
It’s hard not to get swallowed up by the insanity of it all.
When life gets crazy and people get crazy, I just need to stayed firmly grounded in my center. Fear pervades these humans around me and I see all the damage it creates. Fear creates all harm on this planet. It’s the root of it all, which I equate with the darkness.
People hurt other people with the things they do and say. Respect and kindness gets lost. Anxiety increases and ripples through everyone involved. Anger and frustration rise.
Blame gets thrown in all the wrong places, though there never is a “right place” to throw it.
All I can ever do is rest in the fact that I am true to myself, that I do the best I can, that I respect those around me, and I do the right thing. I am unwilling to let the chaos suck me in. I refuse to take on the fear that others try to pass on.
I stay in love and in peace knowing that people will be okay, even when going through emotionally hard times. I always ended up okay, and so will everyone else.
It’s funny how the human part of me needs much of everything. The desire for community, safety, companionship, intimacy, success, love, drive my attitudes and actions. I’m always wanting but no matter how much I seek outside myself, it’s never enough.
I play this game of life and yet spirit knows it’s just a game. It’s all just a creation, a story I’m making. It means a lot, yet it means little. How often do I go down dead end roads expecting to find a pot of gold when all there is is a dead end. An end or a beginning or both? When I can look within to find a soul that is just looking to be freed, when I let all earthly desires go like sand through my fingers, I find peace and love unconditional.
God, let me be free today and help me to stop looking for false happiness. Help me find something real, something that lasts.
Help me to know you and feel close to you, all the moments of my life.
But you’ve grown
Those shoes don’t fit
Favorite shoes, I know
You loved them
For so long
They were comfortable
And safe, and snug and right
The exact shoes you always imagined you’d wear
The ones you wanted
The ones you lost
For a long time you couldn’t find them
You searched and searched
But they were gone
You imagined all the places
You would go in those shoes
What you would and could do
In those shoes again
Dreamed about them,
woke up and realized
they were still gone
It was just a dream
You tried different,
beautiful new shoes
The best of the best,
But could not replace the shoes you lost
The ones you were set on having
All the amazing, fabulous shoes you tried on,
you just threw away
They weren’t your old favorite
Until one day,
You found those favorite shoes
There they were, almost like they never left
Never were lost
On cloud nine you were, reunited with those shoes
Filled with glee
you hugged them,
But as you put them on you suddenly realized
YOU HAD GROWN
they did not fit anymore
to squeeze your feet in these shoes
BUT YOU HAD GROWN
they did not fit
You stay with me everywhere I go and you are alive in everything I do
A blade of grass in a golden field
A petal on a white rose in a bush
A bird in a flock flying high
A wave crashing on the shore
I am all of these
Under the believe I am separate
Not knowing I am the same
A living part of the whole
I am the ocean
and the other waves are me
I am all the petals on the rose, the whole field of grass, every bird, the sun and the moon
I am the night sky
The stars, the galaxies,
You will find me in the wind, the breath you take and the exhale
I am the love in your eyes,
the tears that run down your cheek, the sound of thunder, the laughter of children, the soil of the earth
I am the end and the beginning
It is in me that I find all that I seek,
because in me lies the everything that is and it expresses itself out there,
what is seen and unseen,
what is heard and unheard,
what is felt and what is not
It is all that are one
And the one that is all
Hold my string around your finger
for I am the baby blue balloon at the other end
Floating, striving to reach greater heights
up over trees and buildings,
heading for the clouds
One little cotton string
connects me to it all
so don’t let go too soon
Lightly I glide,
gravity no match for me
Looking down from an areal view
as if I sat on the moon,
watching giant dancing patterns
of tiny humans weave over and around each other
in harmonious disarray
The patterns from my view
are in synch with the symphony of life
as the songs change
but the music keeps playing
Is this the big picture?
Or is there even more to see?
Don’t ask me to come down,
for it will never look the same
When I return home to the ground
will I forget what I learned?
Will I forget what it all meant?
when I was high in sky
weightless and careless
as a baby blue balloon
Wrapped up in your jacket
But not through your sleeves
Your arms around your jacket and me
I can’t wiggle out
Why would I want to try
I tilt up my chin and catch your eyes
Brown with gold flecks
Looking down to the place
Where one finger brushes my lips and face
Resting my head
In the corner of your neck
Squeezing me tighter just to check
That I’m right here with you now
That I know where you are
That I feel us together
Under this winter moon and stars
I’m not leaving yet
I’m staying right here
This time and this moment
Sees us perfectly clear